


if you must die, sweetheart

by madseba



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/M, brooklyn nine nine - Freeform, hello naughty children, its murder time, not actually but WELCOME TO HELL
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-28 18:49:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7652734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madseba/pseuds/madseba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Die knowing your life was my life's best part.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if you must die, sweetheart

**Author's Note:**

> For the first chapter, I'd recommend listening to either 5AM by Amber Run, and then You by Keaton Henson. The title comes from You, and it breaks my heart literally every time.

There are some words you can never un-hear. “Shot.” “Unresponsive.” “Goodbyes.” There are some experiences where life is just like the movies. Something tragic happens, and everybody moves in slow motion. Disheveled glances are exchanged in the middle of the night in a hospital waiting room. Eyes are tired and raw. Breathing is shallow. Mouths taste like metal and disbelief. Every cop is trained that this may happen. Every cop hopes it never does. 

1:38am. Phone calls at 1:38am are one of two things: booty calls or bad news. Jake rolled groggily onto his side and slid the phone open to answer without checking the caller ID. 

“Peralta?” 

“Captain?” 

“Peralta,” there was a long pause, “Peralta, something has happened and you need to get down here. I’m so sorry.” 

Jake straightens up. His body tenses with worry, “I’m sorry, Captain, I’m confused, get down where? What happened?” Holt sighs. It sounds shaky and unpoised. A shiver creeps down Jake’s spine. 

“It’s Santiago, Jake. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

Jake’s breath hitches in his throat. Amy. Amy. Amy. Holy shit.

“I’m on my way. Where are you? Where am I going?” 

“Presbyterian, and, Peralta, I really am so sor-” Jake hangs up. He knows he will punch something if he hears the captain apologize to him one more time. He grabs his keys on the way out the door, and then decides that driving is unsafe. He hails a cab. 

A thirteen minute cab ride can feel like an eternity. Jake tosses twenty-five dollars through the passenger side window of the cab and thanks the driver. His voice is small, his throat is dry, and his mouth tastes bitter. He pushes on the hospital door and suddenly all the commotion comes to a halt. Everything moves in slow motion. A nurse debriefs him on the situation. Her words run circles around each other in his mind. 

“You must be Detective Peralta. I’m so sorry, your partner was shot this morning on a raid. Despite our best doctors’ extensive efforts, she is unresponsive. She has the option of surgery, but given her current state, we think it won’t be much help. Her brother is her power of attorney, he’s on his way now…Detective, can you hear me?”

Jake realizes then he’s aimlessly walking in circles. He doesn’t bother to choke out a response. He’ll apologize for being rude to the nurse later. Rosa enters the waiting room from a hallway that leads to the rest of the hospital. Jake rushes over to her.

“Where?” He knows single word communication won’t work forever, but it’s all he can manage at this point. Rosa looks softer than she usually does. Her hair is messier, her eyes sadder. He follows her down the hallway and eventually, they come to another, smaller waiting room. The remaining team members that have gathered stand when Jake turns the corner. Gina makes the first move toward him, wrapping herself around him and holding on as tightly as she can. His entire body is tense, every muscle clenched. 

“Jake, I am so sorry. I know you lov-“ Gina gushed, voice shaking as much as her body was. 

“Stop apologizing,” Jake quipped, detaching Gina from himself, “just…stop. Where is she?” The doctor broke conversation with the captain and turned to Jake, “She is in her room, but only immediate family can see her right now. I know you want to do all you can, I can’t imagine losing my partner. I’m so sorry sir. Sir, you can’t go in there right now. Sir!”

The doctor’s warnings trailed off behind the door as Jake closed it. He pushed a chair in front of the knob. He knew it wouldn’t hold forever, but for now, it would have to do. She was hooked up to tubes up and down her body. Jake recognized some of them. The one in her arm was giving her intravenous fluids, keeping her hydrated. The one on her hand was giving her blood. The ones in her nose and mouth were helping her breathe. Nothing was helping him breathe. The handle jiggled. Hospital security made their presence known. Still in slow motion, two lightly armed men wrapped their strong hands around both of Jake’s arms and dragged him from the room. They sternly warned him not to do it again and set him down in a chair, which couldn’t have been protocol. He clenched and unclenched his jaw several times. 

“Guys, can we have a minute? I know this is hard,” Gina swallowed, “it’ll just be a minute.” Charles desperately tried to stay, but Rosa glared at him, and he left with the others. Once the room had cleared, Gina stared at Jake for a moment before crossing and sitting next to him. She didn’t dare touch him without his initiation.

“You love her, don’t you?” Gina said softly. I love her. I love her. I love her. Jake’s mind raced. He couldn’t breathe. He was sobbing, hard. Gina pulled him into her arms. She stroked his hair, but didn’t dare say anything. Gina’s own tears threatened to well up and she rested her chin on Jake’s trembling back. Gina’s heart broke and she could feel it ache and radiate through her whole body. 

Amy’s family arrived ten minutes later, clamoring into the waiting area and her room. The one with the power of attorney appeared to be the oldest of her brothers. He was blubbering on about extraordinary measures and surgery and life support and millions of other things Jake couldn’t hear. He left as soon as they entered. He wandered around the hospital after assuring Gina that he felt a little better. He saw endless hallways filled with good news and bad news. Crying families hugging each other in one room, a happy young husband holding his baby girl for the first time, an old wife with tears streaking down her face. This hospital would kill him. The air would eventually press down so hard on him that he burst. He wished it would happen.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a little sorry. But mostly, you can just suffer with me.


End file.
